Bridesmaid dresses

I don't really care for bridesmaid dresses. Whenever people try to choose a bridesmaid dress that is re-wearable the idea always falls flat for at least one (usually more) of a few key reasons:

1. Bridesmaid dresses are ugly
2. When five or more women are forced to wear the same dress, there is very little likelihood that all of those women will like the dress well enough to want to wear it the first time, let alone again.
3. Bridesmaid dresses just don't seem to fit quite right usually

Solution: don't buy bridesmaid dresses. This is a decision that I have already made, but now I must live with the consequences which are that I must come up with an alternate plan. Ideas:

1. Everyone wears dresses they already own
     + low cost, the girls certainly like their dresses, will wear again, illusion of no hassle
     - do not match at all, some girls may not already have one, hassle comes in when you have to choose all different dresses from your friends' closets
2. Everyone wears the same dress from a regular retail store 
     + not an ugly bridesmaid dress, no alterations needed, probably lower cost than a traditional bridesmaid dress
     - tough to find a springy dress in a retail store in December, may not look good on everyone, everyone may not like it, lots of shopping around required.
3. Everyone wears different, but coordinated dresses purchased from one or multiple regular retail stores
     + everyone gets input in their dress, everyone likes their dress, will wear again, dresses fit properly, no alterations needed, looks pretty
     - pain in the rear to pick out multiple dresses on one's own, don't want to burden bridesmaids by forcing them to go find a dress matching your stipulations, tough to find springy dresses in a retail store in December.

So, what is a girl to do? Oh geeze, I don't know, but here's what I am looking for in a bridesmaid dress:
1. my bridesmaids like it
2. does not cost my bridesmaids a bunch of money
3. coordinates with the style of my dress (lace, kinda vintage looking, deep v-neck)
4. has straps

From left to right, top to bottom:

1. Nylon-and-tulle wrap-top dress by Max and Cleo, $188- unfortunately this one is not locatable online. I think it is not for sale anymore. It is definitely my favorite!

2. Beaded waist shantung dress by JS Boutique, $188- not the right color, but whatever.

3. Rosette-trim taffeta dress by S.L. fashions, $78- too short.

4. Silk chiffon beaded dress by Adrianna Papell, $200- maybe its just because the girl looks so happy in the picture... I don't know. I just kinda liked it.

5. Glimmering Magnolia Dress from Anthropologie, $198- When I first saw this dress it was from the back, and I thought it was excellent... then I saw the huge pink sequined flower plastered across the chest...

6. Taffeta halter dress by Adriana Papell, $150- I like this one. 

Now actual bridesmaid dresses that I think are okay:

  

1. Mori Lee Affairs Style 831 in azure, $172.

2. Mori Lee Affairs Style 836 in azure, $156.

3. Mori Lee Affairs Style 732 in aubergine, $146

4. Eden Maids Style 7200 in cornflower, $150

5. David's Bridal Cotton Sateen Sleeveless Short Dress in Marine, $79.99

6. David's Bridal Short Crinkle Chiffon Dress in Mermaid

7. David's Bridal knockoff of no. 6 above in teal, $149

Do it yourself!: Centerpieces

I love antique blue glass. It is attractive and unique, and I love that everything antique comes with a back story. My ring is antique and my dress has an antique feel with all of the lace. Since we are going to have green and blue as our color scheme (green is my favorite color and blue is his), it makes great sense to incorporate these colors into the centerpieces, and what better way than with these little beauties? Here are some pictures of antique blue glass being used as vessels for flowers:

 First row: The knot, Bridella, Brides Second Row: Brides, JustJamie, Brides

As luck would have it I was helping my mom with a garage sale this weekend and one of her friends brought a box of antique blue glass pieces to sell. I didn't notice them until some people picked them up to buy, but have no fear as I quickly ran over to claim them. For 15$ I got 8 pieces, one of which has a date of 1838 on it! I am going to use the blue ones--hopefully I will find more for as cheap-- along with my own clear ones from bouquets Nick has bought me. The blue vases are so pretty they do not need many flowers, if any at all! If we can steer away from the huge ball of carnations and just go with the single stem idea, we will save a bundle and end up with lovely tables. Yay!

Do it yourself!: Music

To band or not to band? To DJ or not to DJ?

Although the first question may not have a clear and distinct answer, for me the second one does. Not to DJ is the answer. Although I have been to many a lovely wedding with a DJ, there is much to do in booking a DJ to make sure certain things do not occur- see photos below (click image for source). It is possible to have a DJ and not these things, but what it really comes down to is that I don't want to mess with that.

 the rave/first dance                                                                         the purple prom glow                                                        the mass dash for the door?        

Another DJ issue is the inevitability that pasa lo que pasa one of the following will be played: the Chicken Dance, the Macarena, the Cotton-Eyed-Joe, Don't Take the Girl, or I can Love you Like That. While I know that it is possible to make a do-not-play-if-you-want-your-money list, you never know what bombshell might fall down from the sky and break into a thousand tiny little notes from Can You Feel the Love Tonight. I am not an "average bride", and while dress shop ladies and priests and invitation people understand that and even find it refreshing at times, DJs may be harder a harder swing vote to capture based on my "do not play Shania Twain" reception platform. Also, The flashing rainbow lights and sweaty, focused look on the over-caffeinated purveyor-of-all-things-crappy's face also do not appeal. Okay, that last part was unfriendly, but you get what I'm saying. DJ is out. 'Nough said.

As far as a band goes I have a brother, sister, cousin and some friends who are quite musically talented and probably would not mind getting up and strumming a few notes to liven up the festivities if necessary. Just look at that brother! Aint he better than a DJ? He he. I do not want to ask my loved ones to forego the fiesta by playing the whole shindig, though. After all, the party is for them too! (Need more synonyms for party? Here ya go: soireé, bash, affair, function, celebration, reception, hoopla.)

Solution: play as you like, friends and family, and the i-pod will be ready and waiting. While some may scoff, just hear me out. This ipod thing is a highly advanced piece of technology, folks. We can use Nick's ipod touch as a remote control, connect a computer to speakers and have full and complete control without having to go to the ipod to push pause or skip a song. This will take some planning and play list making, but I think it just may work. Plus, Costco has itunes giftcards for reduced prices in case we do not already have all of the music we would like played. This just seems like the most budget and personality-friendly option for us. It will ensure that we keep a little change in our pocket and that while some boogieing will go down, it will be some boogie type other than Boot Scootin' (the number 2 country song for wedding DJs according to this site).

Etsy

For everyone who does not know about Etsy, you should visit. Go ahead.... Now, wasn't that worth it? Anyway, Etsy is a website where crafters, artists and anyone else can sell their homemade and found goods online. Its like e-bay with a homey twist. You can find a little bit of everything there from the goofy to the chic to the mundane, but it is always worth a visit. I have seen entire weddings where everything was bought from etsy. While this does make me wonder why people wouldn't want to just make even a few of those things themselves (especially as many of the items tend to be priced a little high), it is at the very least a place to garner inspiration and get the creative juices flowing. Here are some things I thought were really neat that could be easily incorporated into a wedding:

1. Antique wedding dress
2. Jade and marble wedding "lasso" (okay, this person clearly is not Catholic! hehe!)
3. Shimmer and Shine reception menu (we will not be having menus)
4. Organic Jasmine Rice Envelopes (a little... well, wayyy too much, but cute)
5. Lilly and pearl necklace
6. Custom designed wedding programs
7. Mr. and Mrs. signs
8. Hanging initial
9. Wedding invites
10. Fabric flowers
11. Pom paper flowers

The flowers

What is a wedding without flowers? I dunno. There are no weddings without flowers! Well, to be fair, perhaps one of those weird weddings from the 90s where the bridesmaids carried sticks with beads on them and some feathers... We, however, will have flowers, even if some of them are made from paper! No feathers. No beaded sticks. No fiber optic led lights. And, no I am not kidding about that last one.

For the ceremony we will probably not buy any flowers. It is not a must, and being the week after Easter in the new church there is a good possibility that flowers will already be there, or at least some green plants or something.

It is cheaper and greener to go with seasonal flowers. Also, I cannot really see why you would want out of season flowers. I am getting married the weekend after Easter. Lets bring some Spring into it! Spring flowers include: Roses, tulips, peonies, anemones, calla lilies, hyacinths, irises, daffodils, hydrangea, lily of the valley, sweet pea, delphinium. Lucky me! Anemones and peonies are some of my favorites and I like all of these flowers. Well, I like all flowers. Here are some pictures I found of pretty bouquets and decorations that include these springy blooms (and others like wildflowers and all-season stuff).

descriptions and sources (ordered left to right, top to bottom):

1. Paper flower centerpiece from Brides.com
2. I don't remember where I got this one
3. Just Married banner from Martha Stewart Weddings
4. Single flower in some vases from Brides.com. I like the blue water.
5. Some yellow flowers from somewhere
6. Some anemones from somewhere
7. Individual potted flowers as centerpieces/favors from Martha Stewart Weddings
8. A dandelion in a jar from somewhere
9. Bouquet from Green Wedding Shoes
10. Anemone place setting (we won't have these) from Green Wedding Shoes
11. Bouquet from somewhere

Dress crunch time

I  went to try on more dresses today at a different bridal salon. Last week I went back to David's Bridal with mom and actually had a pleasant experience. Okay, Okay I know I said never never to go there, but to quote my favorite American poet,

"Do I contradict myself?

Very well, then I contradict myself.

(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"

- Walt Whitman.

Anyway, I have basically decided that the whole buying a used dress or borrowing a dress thing is a bust. I am tall. There, I said it! I cannot wear the same dresses as everyone else. I am just too tall. If I am going to order one then I need to decide soon because apparently it takes months to get these things in and then they usually have to be altered blah blah blah. So, here are some dresses that I have actually tried on:

123

45

1. Lace dress with beading and satin sash. Only one made in USA. Will need significant alterations. Color: Champagne with ivory lace overlay. Price: $1,400 maybe $1,200 if it is still on sale.

2. Full lace dress with satin beaded sash. Only needs shoulders taken up a little. Color: Light Gold with ivory lace overlay. Price: $1,165 $899 (thanks to Mom and Colene at Bella Couture.)
3. Satin dress with beading and sheer part at the v-neck. Will need significant alterations. Color: Ivory with silver beading. Price: $700.

4. Satin dress with beading/embroidery. Will need some alterations. Color: Ivory with gold beading/embroidery. Price: $400

5. Satin dress with twisted shoulder straps and gathered sash. Will need some alterations. Color: Ivory.

Price: $750

So, I know which is my favorite, but which is yours? Leave a comment!

Mrs. Firstname Lastname

Yeah, no one is surprised that I have qualms about the changing of the name thing. I am all for someone changing their name if they want, but why is it an automatic thing? People just assume that I will be Mrs. hisname hislastname. Why does the girl have to change her name? Because the boy would get made fun of. Because that is what people do. Because society says so. Originally it was basically because the last name change signified a change of ownership. Well, not good enough. What do other societies have to say? Here is a little glimpse into the name issue in our own and other cultures:

The USofA

- Sorry about the picture. I googled something like American wedding and this popped up. Couldn't resist.
- Lucy Stone was the first American to openly question the tradition of the recently-espoused female last name change. This occurred in the mid 1800s.
- A New York Daily News Article released in August of 2009 reported that 70% of Americans think a woman should change her last name and a ghastly 50% think that it should be a legal requirement. Now, I do not think that this is entirely accurate as it seems that the survey included less that 1000 people, but still!

- What kills me is that after searching for information on men changing their last names all that I have found is a few news articles about one British guy in 2008 and an Arizona native in 2005 doing so. The Arizona guy actually had to file suit in 2007, apparently, as in many states it is still much more difficult for a man to legally change his name because of marriage. Just google "name change" and see what you'll find. Here is one, though it is from a bridal website, albeit Offbeat. Be sure and read the comments!

- From what I can tell from a bit of research, women have the option of writing in their new last name on their marriage certificate but men do not with the exception of six states: GA, IA, MA, HI, NY and DE. Sorry guys, you'll have to go through the court system to petition for a name change.

Российская Федерация

(Russia)

- Anything goes as far as legality and ease of change for both genders. The couple need only say whats up during their wedding.

- The most common change is the woman changing her last name to a grammatically feminine version of the man's last name, e.g. Karenin-Karenina, Gorbechev-Gorbecheva etc.

- I find the Russian way of doing things particularly interesting. It has advantages and disadvantages. Its a distinctly feminine nomenclature if not distinctly individual identity.

Spain and most places that speak Spanish 

- Everybody basically does the exact same thing (with the exception of Argentina, parts of Mexico...)

- In cultures that are widely recognized as machistas, married couples hang out in a world where a compromise over names is the cultural norm and actually a non-issue.  

- So what's the long and short of it? Traditionally we have the following:  Sr. Firstname Dad'slastname-Mom'slastname marries Srta. Firstname Dad'slastname-Mom'slastname and nothing changes when they marry. Their children will get both of the granddad's last names, though. 
- Also, the mother's last name is dropped most of the time. For example, the Mexican president's name is Felipe de Jesus Calderón Hinojosa, but folks just call him plain old Felipe Calderón. An exception, though, is the current prime minister of Spain José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero. He is known worldwide most commonly by his mother's name, Zapatero. 

More later...

A Church! (da da da daaaa!!!)

Found a church. Found a priest. Oh yeah! (say this with a little rhythm while doing a jig that includes shaking your booty around a lot and you will be where I am now). After all of our worrying and pondering on how to avoid spending gobs of dough on a church we've never attended regularly, we (Nick and mom) made a brilliant suggestion that I had ruled out due to laziness (having to plan an out of town wedding was not an appealing prospect to me, but I was wrong) So, without further ado:

St. Michael the Archangel Catholic Church 
Auburn, Alabama

Saint Michael's is the Catholic church Nick and I attended in Auburn. Nick went to his first ever mass at the old church. Pros and cons:

+  The priest is very nice, laid back, has a nondescript accent... other stuff that's good...
+  Parish hall is (will be) nice and big enough for our reception
+  It is in Auburn. I love Auburn!
+  Cost: bout fi-hunda dolla or something more with fees and stuff, but definitely way less than the others.

- It is not yet completed and I have never seen it. 
- I think it is going to be huge which means my meager 150ish guests will disappear in there. Actually, maybe this one is a positive... hehe
- It is in Auburn. Auburn is far so we have to worry about a place to stay for everyone after the rehearsal and a place to get ready on wedding day blah blah, but who is worrying?? not me!

Anyways... Step one is down and decided. Hooray for decision making! Hooray for Auburn! Now on to the food, flowers, rings, dress, engaged encounter weekend (not kidding), cake, uhhh I know there are more things than this... oh yeah! photographer, tuxes/suits, gifts for people, uhhh programs, invitations, place to stayzzzzzzz....

The dress continued and an update on planning

Update: We went to St. Paul's today and spoke to a very nice lady there. April 10th is open still! Although I do like the priest at St. Mark's and it is closer to my apartment, they have actually gone up on the cost and it now costs $500 more than the cathedral. So that settles that. We will see, but it is looking likely that St. Paul will be where we promise one another to stick around forever. If not, we will have to suck it up and get married at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton and just be happy to be there. Which we will be :).

Now, to the dress again, and this time we will see dresses for which I am willing to pay. Options for affordable dresses: go for one that costs less (but not that much less), buy a used dress or buy an "alternative" wedding dress which usually equals a bridesmaid dress or other formal dress in a white or ivory color. Keep in mind the cathedral requires straps...

1. Private Label Gown

This dress line is not advertised anywhere and you can only buy them at certain salons that are authorized dealers. They are reproductions of Grace Kelly's dress when she married the prince of Monaco in 1956. The original gown was designed by Helen Rose and the pictures come from here.

 I have a picture of the actual dress, but I am afraid to post it because some prince in Monaco might get mad. Imagine sheer sort of tank-top style straps instead of the high collar and sleeves, ivory with ivory lace overlay,  and a champagne satin bodice. Clearly the veil will also be less invovled as the one she wore was ridiculous (though beautiful), and veils freak me out. The back has a low V and the champagne satin comes around to the back to form long wide ribbons which I would most likely tie into a knot rather than a bow. I have tried on this dress and it is beautiful, but the cost is still too high.

Cost: $1,200

2. Allure pre-owned dress

I found this dress on Craigslist and it turned out to be someone I know who posted it. 

 I like this dress, but for a few things: It would be a tad short on me with heels higher than 1", I would have to add straps, and I don't really care for the front bottom decorations. In the pictures from this girl's wedding day you cannot really see those details, and my friend Lindsey who went with me to try the dress on said she didn't even notice that part until I pointed it out. The upside is that this girl and I seem to be the exact same size. The dress fits perfectly and would not need to be altered at all.

Cost: $575

3. Allure pre-owned dress #2

Found this on e-bay from a person in Moody. I am going to go try it on when they call me back.

It is a definite long shot, but who knows? Could work...

Cost: $400 or so

 4. Alternative #1

Lazaro Bridesmaid dress style LZ3991

This dress is available in white and ivory chiffon over candlelight with clear and white beading. I would tie the bow just in a knot or have someone just sew the ribbon on and cut away the excess.  

Cost: $350

5. Alternative #2

 Wtoo maids style 541 shantung v-neck bridesmaid dress

This dress is available in off-white. I think this one is really pretty and is an actual possibility.

 Cost: $250

6. Alternative #3

Jim Hjelm Occasions style 5680 satin A-line V-neck bridesmaid dress

This dress is available in ivory and white. I cannot find a picture of the front, but "they" say it is v-neck.

Cost: $200

The dress

Barring the not altogether unlikely possibility that I will borrow or purchase a used wedding dress, this is most likely going to be the most expensive single piece of clothing that I ever purchase. Big decision, and I am not one much for clothes anyway. I am writing this wearing a pair of pants I bought on sale at the gap at least four years ago and a tank top that I don't even remember probably five years ago. I have explored various options and so far I know this: I want straps (at least most Catholic churches like straps and because I am tall many strapless dresses look quite bare on me); I want to feel really pretty; I want to feel comfortable... not in the pjs kind of way but comfortable that the dress fits well, looks good and makes me feel good. At times it seems I really don't have a particular style of dress that I like, but here are a few that I have found organized in order of price:

1. The dream dress

Christos 2007 "Bianca" v-neck sheer strap alençon lace gown

The idea is to mimic this dress. Or just go a completely different route, but soooo pretty!

Cost: 5,000$+

2. Jim Hjelm

Jim Hjelm 2009

Gorgeous without the flower on the side. I love the detail at the bottom. 

Cost: 5,000$+

3. Anne Barge

La Fleur fall 2007 collection
My friend and fellow prometida, Nancy, tried this dress on at The White Room and it is gorgeous! Costs way too much, though which is why she bought her beautiful dress at Diane's for way less.
Cost: $3200

4.  Watters Brides

Watters style 5044b
I have not seen this dress in person, but I like it. Very similar dress to the Anne Barge, just costs less (not less enough, but we're getting there)
Cost: $1,400

more later...

Budget...

Well, if you haven't heard these are hard times we're living in. Wedding budgets are becoming slimmer and slimmer, and that is how I believe it should be. When I began thinking about this whole budget thing, I thought about what the initial max had been and then wondered what the average wedding in the US is and again how many starving children could be fed for a year on the average amount of money that people spend on this one day. I did a lil' research, so here's a little information for you all.

• The average US wedding costs $20,398 according to costofwedding.com. 

• Smartmoney.com puts the number between $21,000 and $24,000.  

• The knot says that it’s more like 27,000. 

If we average all of these sources we get about $22,500 for the average American wedding.

The average cost in my zip code is an astronomical $42,836! Whereas in my mom's zip code it's $24,682. We only live 28 miles apart. Just for funzies I did a little research on some of the poorest zip codes in the country and compared their average wedding cost.

• It's Buffalo County, South Dakota according to wikipedia where the income is the lowest: $5,213 per capita ($12,692 median household). There the average there wedding costs $3,468. 

• The median household income from what I can tell is around $50,000 in the US (and dropping). 

For those who are keeping up, (according to the math of this humble liberal arts major) the average American wedding costs between 25% and 45% of the household income. Wow. Just wow. According to the book What We Could Have Done With the Money it costs $2,160 to feed a starving child from birth to eighteen years of age. Feed Just One, World Food Programme and others say it costs even less and, get this,

511 starving children could eat for a year on the price of the average American wedding.

Gross. I will not even make a guess on how many children could be fed if all the people that end up spending gobs of money on divorce had not been married in the first place. Phew, that was a Debbie Downer kind of post. More positivity next time, I promise. Till then, I love my fiance and cannot wait to marry him! :)

Invitations...

So I have looked at invitations online and that is probably how I will purchase them. Some may say no, but if I do not have to go somewhere and talk to somebody it is easier to me. I am trying to pick invitations that sort of match the style of the church, but seein' as how I have not booked a church I'll just find one or a few that could match each location. Please refer to the location indicated in the sample to see for which church I would use each respective invite. Incidentally, the fiance really does care about this portion of the planning (he cares about as much as I do), but I cannot remember which he said he liked, so for now here are some that I like along with my thoughts:

1. Floral Patterned by Picturebook.

This one is from Wedding paper divas. Cool website with lots of choices. At first I was annoyed because I thought they did not have a list of the fonts visible all at once. I even used the chat feature to ask one of their people and confirmed by misguided belief. Then I saw that on the customize page beside "font" there is a tiny blue (view) that opens a window with all of them right there for the world to see. How marvelous! (I reopened the chat and told the lady and she was really excited :)

- Color: meadow
- Paper: Wedding Paper Divas Signature Recycled Matte
- Digital offset printing
- Fonts: classic roman and gatsby script
- Unit price for one invite and one envelope: $1.49
- Total cost (200 invites, 225 envelopes)= $303

It's a little classic and a little modern with the victorian look at the bottom and the right justified type. I also quite like that it is a 5x7 so we will not have to pay extra postage. And the paper is recycled... always a plus.

2. Cherry Tree by Jenny Romansky.

- Color: Paradise

- Paper: 110 lb. ecru textured cardstock

- Digital offset printing

- Fonts: classic roman and madison

- Unit price for one invite and one envelope: $1.54

- Total cost (200 invites, 225 envelopes)= $313

Also from wedding paper divas. This one seems somehow a bit more formal to me, still modern, and I love the colors. The lower case letters in the fonts make me smile. It reminds me of April and I like that. The paper is not recycled, but it is pretty.

3. Leaves of Love

- Color: uhhh green with blue and black writing
- Paper: 100 lb. recycled matte
- Printed just regular style (probably from someone's cubicle)
- Fonts: Goudy Old Style MT and Garamond
- Unit price for one invite and one envelope: doesn't say
- Total cost (250 invites, 250 envelopes)= $89.95



This one is from 123print.com. I believe it is a knock off of some Kate Spade or either Vera Wang design. It is not my favorite, but it is way freaking cheaper and close to the look of the nicer ones. Recycled paper too!